Structure

 JJ's speech therapist told us that he needed structure and routine. She wanted us to set up a daily visual schedule and calendar with velcro pieces that I would have to switch out every time we changed from one activity to another. She gave us dozens of tiny velcro squares to keep track of with things like; breakfast, brush teeth, play time, therapy, bath, snack, get dressed, bedtime... printed on them. 

 She seemed to have no concept that we were in survival mode or that we had three other kids living in the house even though I was literally holding a screaming 2 year old on my hip while talking to her. Nor did she realize that we had 16 appointments a week for the boys. Plus we had to do the normal household stuff. Besides, I am not that level of organized. 

 So we never did it. 

 Thankfully, JJ was mostly content without that level of struture. As long as bedtime, meals, and snacks were the same time we were good. 

 JJ does not need that level of structure. So why teach him to depend upon that level of structure? 

MR 

JJ's going to do what JJ's going to do

 JJ got bounced around before coming to live with us. He had only lived with his foster mom for about six months and she worked long hours. His daycare put a tablet in his hands and stuck him in a corner. 

 His foster mom told us that he would get up and wander the house at night. She said, "JJ's going to do what JJ's going to do."

 I didn't say anything, but my reaction was, "nope not in my house." So we attached a baby gate in the hall near the boys' rooms. Then we started using Supernanny's Stay in Bed Technique from the first night. "A bedtime routine has two important functions. It lets your child know that there is a consistent pattern to going to bed, which she is not going to be able to manipulate at will, and it prepares her for sleep in a calming sequence of events that are designed to help her relax." - Jo Frost AKA Supernanny. 

 After being consistent for a week, JJ mostly stayed in bed. 

 JJ had several other behaviors that we worked on that also went away with consistentcy. 

 I want to be clear that I am talking about learned behaviors that he was allowed to continue simply because nobody worked with him. I am not talking about autisic traits or stims. 

MR

Learning to Play

  JJ didn't know how to play. Most of the toys he had when he moved in were either broken or were McDonald's toys. He loved arranging letter or number tiles, but simply did not know how to play. 

 Lil Bro really wanted JJ to play with him, so he would boss JJ around and tell him to hold this toy, do this, do that... Eventually JJ learned to play. I almost cried the first time I heard JJ playing with toys by himself. 

 He would count the toys make them say something then put them into a big pile. Other times he would line them up, but make them say something as he put them into place. Most of what he said was repeating what he heard on a show or from a book. 

 Of course, it doesn't look like most kids' play. That's perfectly fine. He has found his way to play and express his imagination. 

MR

Board Games

 I've already said that JJ didn't make eye contact and looked through people. The brothers were practically strangers due to living in seperate foster homes and COVID lockdowns halting their visitation. JJ did not like "Baby" (always said with a sneer) and Lil' Bro was extremely jealous of JJ. Suddenly these two were living in the same house with no one but new family members and each other to spend time with. 

 We started playing and collecting board games when Sasha was four and Sam was a baby. Every week I would check out what the thrift store had and add new games every birthday and Christmas. So, by the time the boys moved in we had quite a collection of board games. I had saved many from when Sasha and Sam were small.

 I started with very simple games modified for them. They dropped connect four pieces into the game board. I kept up a running dialog counting the pieces, naming the colors... We worked on taking turns. We put the ice cream from the Conzilla game in numerical order. Or JJ, who loves numbers, would put the 2, 5, and 8 next to each other to make 258. 

 After a while I introduced them to very basic games with me explaining step-by-step what they were to do. We played games for hours every day. Hubby, Sasha, and Sam would play too when they were done with work and school. 

 JJ started interacting more. He liked playing games and he enjoyed being with me and Lil' Bro during these times. Lil' Bro was less jealous of JJ since he was getting the attention he craved and sharing fun with his brother. Board games helped us develop a bond between all family members. 

 Board games are still an important part of our family life. I notice that when we play often JJ is more talkative and interacts more. 

MR 

 

Homeschooling JJ

 I had no plans to homeschool JJ, even though his older siblings were homeschooled all the way. However, I knew I could do better than the school was doing during COVID. So I found myself homeschooling a child, whose needs were more than I felt prepared for. 

 JJ and Lil' Bro are almost two years apart. So I treated them both like they were Lil' Bro's age. We colored, read books, played games modiified for them, read more books, did puzzles, did simple worksheets, went for walks... 

 Then we had lunch and did it all over again. 

MR

Pre-K 2020

  JJ was in pre-k in the 2020-21 school year. Online learning for an autisic four year old using technology the teacher wasn't familiar with equals chaos and no learning. He had to log on twice a day Monday through Friday, ten appointments a week for very little learning.

 The 30 minute group time was 100% pure chaos. Many parents didn't know to mute themselves and every single time someone made a noise the screen would switch from the teacher to them. The teacher's solution was to play YouTube kid songs, not all were educational. 

 The 15 minute one on one time was more beneficial, though still working with a noncommunicative four year old through a screen. 

 We started asking the social workers to allow us to homeschool after the IEP meeting. At first they said no. Then one day the social worker showed up just in time for the 30 minute group session. I invited her to watch.

 That day the teacher played Baby Shark twice in the 30 mintues plus a couple of other noneducational songs. I told the social worker that I could do better. The social worker was furious and said the teacher was just being lazy. 

 That's how I found myself homeschooling a special needs child.

MR

IEP

 As his foster parents we were included in the IEP meeting. It was really between the school and the social worker. The school treated us like  babysitters, who shouldn't even be there. Our foster care classes taught us that we are the child's advocate and we took this meeting seriously.

 As I was reading JJ's IEP I noticed that in several places it said "Daniel" instead of JJ. It was obvious that someone had copied and pasted portions of JJ's IEP. I asked who Daniel was. The school basically said shut up. I pressed the matter because I wasn't sure which goals were Daniel's and which were JJ's. I wanted him to be reevaluated, but was overruled. 

 One of JJ's goals was to count to ten. Math is JJ's thing. JJ loves numbers, he could count to at least 1,000, probably higher. So hubby and I videoed him counting 84 blocks and submitted it to the school. They would not accept it because the teacher wasn't physically there. The teacher said she thought he might have miscounted. If JJ miscounted it was way past ten and only because he got distracted. 

 I had no plans of homeschooling JJ, but we started asking the social worker to allow it after this meeting. 

MR